I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
