At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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