ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
