I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
