the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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