Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
