Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
