he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
