Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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