I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
