I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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