READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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