My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Pappa wants mamma naked
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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