eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
