my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
