So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize