I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
