Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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