Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
no, he came in my armpit
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
