My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The air taste purple.
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