I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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