Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize