I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
