when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Did I show you my penis last night?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
