What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
