Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
