so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
My cat gives me a boner
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
