FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
