So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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