Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
