I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
