On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
