He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
