Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
