She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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