I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
