bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
