i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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