I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
