So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
