does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
