My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
