people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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