Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
