she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize