I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
