Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
