Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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