I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
