TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
