so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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