I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
