Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
