it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
