1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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