why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
