watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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