you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
