What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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