and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
