I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
