I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
