And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
