I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
